"All I know is: the choices we make, dictate the lives that we lead. To thine own self be true." -Renaissance Man
"What is this life I stumbled into? Where's it gonna take me? Where's it gonna take you" -Andrew Allen
2011 was an eventful year. But in all fairness, isn't that what we say at the end of EVERY year? I think when we get to this time of year, it's just kind of the norm to talk about how much we've changed, about how much different the year turned out than we expected, about how surprised we were with how things turned out. So I'm not going to do that. There is enough of that to go around. After 365 days, if nothing changed and there weren't little surprises every day, THAT would be something pretty crazy. So instead, this is just some random things 2011 taught me:
Change happens every day. It's not a bad thing or a good thing. It's just a beautiful part of life. People change. It's what keeps life exciting.
We never find ourselves in places by mistake. Furman was not always the place of my dreams. There are a lot of things about Furman that I totally disagree with, but at the end of my 4 years there was nowhere I would have rather been, and I know that was where God meant for me to do college.
It's all about relationships, stupid. At the heart of it all, the most important things we have are the god who created us and the people he has placed in our lives. It's when I lose sight of this and my priorities get lost that I struggle and life is not to the fullest.
The people you live with can make your life so much better, if you can fight the cabin fever! Living with people is hard (oh dear, isn't that what marriage is, like, 100% of the time...?) But when you are surrounded by people who support and encourage you, the journeys of life become so much more exciting.
Break-ups can bring out the most selfish in people. But let me explain. It's so easy to say, "He (or she) will never find someone who could give them what I did or be as good for them as I was. They don't deserve me anyways." I did the break-up thing twice this year, and yeah it was no fun either time, and I did some of the above. But who am I kidding? When you break up with someone, it's because there is someone better out there for each of you, someone who can love you a thousand times better. That's what I hope for her.
Also, people, especially teenagers, should stay away from Facebook statuses and Twitter in the immediate aftermath of break-ups (maybe they should just avoid it all together as it is...).
Everything is a "God thing." Every time I hear "Wow, that was such a God thing" after something good works out, I wonder to myself, "What about when things didn't work out so well?" Is it only a God thing when good things happen? Is God not involved when we don't like what happens? Not at all. He is in the midst of everything, the good and the bad, the joyous and the painful, working for our good.
No day was meant to be wasted. God didn't give us breath to just convert it to carbon dioxide. He gave it to us with purpose.
forever unfinished...
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Monday, November 28, 2011
Torn ACL's and Forests...
"For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." -Jeremiah 29:11
"What if your blessings come through raindrops? What if your healing comes through tears?... What if the trials of this life are your mercies in disguise?" -Laura Story
I hope you tear your ACL. There it is. The cat is out of the bag. I hope you tear your ACL.
Ok, maybe I don't mean that exactly how it came out I suppose. But then again, I kind of do. I'd love to share a story. In the middle of the summer before my junior year at Furman, I tore my ACL in my left knee playing Capture the Flag at Clemson. CAPTURE THE FLAG?! Yeah, the game you played in elementary school out on the blacktop. And here I was 20 years old and tearing ligaments in my knee. It wasn't until the end of the summer that I actually learned I'd torn something, so surgery got put off until December (a whole 5 months away.)
I was bitter! I was REALLY angry! I was the captain of the ultimate frisbee team and an RA for a freshman hall that was playing intramurals, but I was stuck on the sideline watching. I couldn't do ANYTHING but sit and watch from afar! I felt cheated, like I had lost a whole year of school fun because one of my legs was disfunctional and half the size of the other. I felt like a year was being stolen from me.
And then something amazing happened about a month before surgery. Peace filled all the bitterness. Patience replaced the yearning. Trust took the place of the anger. There wasn't a moment when this all came to be. But I distinctly remember that month before surgery knowing that I was SUPPOSED to tear my knee up. It was as if I had a glimpse into the awesome blessing I was receiving. I was able to understand that nothing was being taken from me, but that this was another way God was molding me into the man He was making me to be.
I learned patience in ways I never could have without the injury. I learned to encourage others from afar, not always having to take the lead. But most importantly, I learned to be still and just stop...
Jesus doesn't promise life is easy when we follow him. That's a little, misunderstood idea. In fact, he even says that there will be pain, suffering. But he didn't stop there. That's a bit hopeless. No, instead he goes on to say not to fret, because in the end, he has overcome all of it. All throughout the bible one thing becomes unbelievably clear, God is God, and I am not! God created time. He created this earth and everything on it. He created me and has a perfect plan in store for me!
His Word constantly reminds that there are just things we are not meant to understand. Like in Job, when Job wants to understand why God would allow of his suffering. God replies, "Where were you when I laid the earth's foundations?" Or in Isaiah, when God says through the prophet, "Who has measured the waters in the hollow of his hand?" There are things we are just not meant to understand. It reminds me of an analogy Donald Miller makes in his book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years.
He compares our lives to a tree in the middle of the forest. Without that tree, the beauty of the forest would be a little bit diminished. It wouldn't look the same and would lose something unique. But in the end, the story is not about the tree. It's a story about the forest.
I get caught up in what I want way too often. That's what tearing my ACL taught me. It taught me that everything (the good, the bad, and the downright heartbreaking) all points back to the God who created me and created the universe. It reminded me that even when things don't go the way I want or the way I think they should, it doesn't mean that they are wrong. It means God has something infinitely more beautiful in store. And in the midst of life's disappointments, He's always teaching.
So today I hope you go out and tear your ACL. Or if not that, at least I hope you find a moment that makes you stop, take a deep breath and remember that God is behind all of it, and what a beautiful thing that is...
forever unfinished...
"What if your blessings come through raindrops? What if your healing comes through tears?... What if the trials of this life are your mercies in disguise?" -Laura Story
I hope you tear your ACL. There it is. The cat is out of the bag. I hope you tear your ACL.
Ok, maybe I don't mean that exactly how it came out I suppose. But then again, I kind of do. I'd love to share a story. In the middle of the summer before my junior year at Furman, I tore my ACL in my left knee playing Capture the Flag at Clemson. CAPTURE THE FLAG?! Yeah, the game you played in elementary school out on the blacktop. And here I was 20 years old and tearing ligaments in my knee. It wasn't until the end of the summer that I actually learned I'd torn something, so surgery got put off until December (a whole 5 months away.)
I was bitter! I was REALLY angry! I was the captain of the ultimate frisbee team and an RA for a freshman hall that was playing intramurals, but I was stuck on the sideline watching. I couldn't do ANYTHING but sit and watch from afar! I felt cheated, like I had lost a whole year of school fun because one of my legs was disfunctional and half the size of the other. I felt like a year was being stolen from me.
And then something amazing happened about a month before surgery. Peace filled all the bitterness. Patience replaced the yearning. Trust took the place of the anger. There wasn't a moment when this all came to be. But I distinctly remember that month before surgery knowing that I was SUPPOSED to tear my knee up. It was as if I had a glimpse into the awesome blessing I was receiving. I was able to understand that nothing was being taken from me, but that this was another way God was molding me into the man He was making me to be.
I learned patience in ways I never could have without the injury. I learned to encourage others from afar, not always having to take the lead. But most importantly, I learned to be still and just stop...
Jesus doesn't promise life is easy when we follow him. That's a little, misunderstood idea. In fact, he even says that there will be pain, suffering. But he didn't stop there. That's a bit hopeless. No, instead he goes on to say not to fret, because in the end, he has overcome all of it. All throughout the bible one thing becomes unbelievably clear, God is God, and I am not! God created time. He created this earth and everything on it. He created me and has a perfect plan in store for me!
His Word constantly reminds that there are just things we are not meant to understand. Like in Job, when Job wants to understand why God would allow of his suffering. God replies, "Where were you when I laid the earth's foundations?" Or in Isaiah, when God says through the prophet, "Who has measured the waters in the hollow of his hand?" There are things we are just not meant to understand. It reminds me of an analogy Donald Miller makes in his book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years.
He compares our lives to a tree in the middle of the forest. Without that tree, the beauty of the forest would be a little bit diminished. It wouldn't look the same and would lose something unique. But in the end, the story is not about the tree. It's a story about the forest.
I get caught up in what I want way too often. That's what tearing my ACL taught me. It taught me that everything (the good, the bad, and the downright heartbreaking) all points back to the God who created me and created the universe. It reminded me that even when things don't go the way I want or the way I think they should, it doesn't mean that they are wrong. It means God has something infinitely more beautiful in store. And in the midst of life's disappointments, He's always teaching.
So today I hope you go out and tear your ACL. Or if not that, at least I hope you find a moment that makes you stop, take a deep breath and remember that God is behind all of it, and what a beautiful thing that is...
forever unfinished...
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Love is...
"Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy. It does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude. It is not self-seeking. It is not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." -1 Corinthians 13:4-8
"Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love." -1 John 4:8
We love a lot of things these days. We've probably loved a lot of things for a while, I've just only been around for 22 years of it. We love a good steak and mashed potatoes. We love our girlfriends and boyfriends. We love our favorite college football teams. We love winter (or spring or fall or summer.) We love a lot of things!
I used to think of love in terms like "The Notebook" or a cute love letter on Valentine's Day. I mean, that's what love is all about right? A fairy tale ending with the someone we fall madly in love with? Finding that perfect someone you can't stand to be away from? Love used to be a feeling for me, something for me to fall in and out of. How I was wrong...
I've come to think of love more as a verb now than a noun, more as an action than an emotion. I've stopped using it as much. Not because I am loving any less, mind you. Hopefully I'm loving more in fact! But I don't want to cheapen what love is to reduce it to a simple feeling of attraction or desire. Love is SO much bigger than things I like! It requires movement and risk, not just smiles and dates.
I've spent a lot of time thinking about love recently. My youth at PHOTOS and I have been reading through Crazy Love by Francis Chan for the last couple of months on Wednesday nights. A couple of chapters ago he challenged us a bit. He asked us to read 1 Corinthians 13 and everywhere we saw "love" to replace it with our names. And let me tell you, it was a humbling experience!
But it opened my eyes to just how BIG love is! When I need to remember how big, I just look up at the night sky. I think of just how big the God of the universe is to have created the galaxies and the stars, and yet He intimately loves me and shows me exactly what love looks like. It looks like the God of all things seeing the people He created caught up in their sin, not realizing they even needed to be made clean, and coming into that world. And even bigger than that, He was arrested, beaten, abused, mocked and crucified. The God who created the stars and the moon and the oceans and the mountains became nothing more than a sacrificial lamb for a people who would never appreciate it and could never repay the debt. That is love!
Love is so much bigger than we even understand! It looks like a Samaritan, a man on the very fringes of the Israelite people, helping a traveler (most likely a Jew) he finds on the side of the road. Not satisfied with just getting him up, the Samaritan takes him to an inn and pays for all of his needs. It looks like feeding the poor, living with lepers, forgiving our enemies. It looks like a single mom working two jobs for kids she barely sees. It looks like a college senior taking weekends out of her year to hang out with and take care of a girl who she knows won't be around forever because of her terminal diagnosis. It's easy for us to love the people we like. Love requires a little more risk than just loving the people we know will love us back. Love means dropping all we have to help people who may never be able to repay us.
I read 1 Corinthians 13 and can't help but be a little ashamed at the thought that I love well. If it describes something love is, I'm usually not. If there's something love isn't, I usually am in abundance. But that's not the point I'm learning. There's a God who IS all those things! And as I become less and He becomes more, incredibly love begins to shine through more and more in my life. And as that light shines, it has nothing to do with me! It has everything to do with the God who IS love!
I'm in the season of my life where people all around me are getting engaged and married and it seems like love is all around. Marriage is the biggest "I love you" we can give to one another. But I'm realizing how big that really is. It's so much bigger than "I really like hanging out with you and you're really cute and we have great chemistry." It's more like, from today forward, we're one. And I'm committing to daily being patient, being kind, being all these things that sin tries to tell us not to be, even when it's hard and when there are troubles. It reminds me of the way God loves! No matter what, no matter how you may be hurting or may not return it, my love is never leaving you. I'm not giving up on you, no matter whether you want me to or not!
forever unfinished...
"Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love." -1 John 4:8
We love a lot of things these days. We've probably loved a lot of things for a while, I've just only been around for 22 years of it. We love a good steak and mashed potatoes. We love our girlfriends and boyfriends. We love our favorite college football teams. We love winter (or spring or fall or summer.) We love a lot of things!
I used to think of love in terms like "The Notebook" or a cute love letter on Valentine's Day. I mean, that's what love is all about right? A fairy tale ending with the someone we fall madly in love with? Finding that perfect someone you can't stand to be away from? Love used to be a feeling for me, something for me to fall in and out of. How I was wrong...
I've come to think of love more as a verb now than a noun, more as an action than an emotion. I've stopped using it as much. Not because I am loving any less, mind you. Hopefully I'm loving more in fact! But I don't want to cheapen what love is to reduce it to a simple feeling of attraction or desire. Love is SO much bigger than things I like! It requires movement and risk, not just smiles and dates.
I've spent a lot of time thinking about love recently. My youth at PHOTOS and I have been reading through Crazy Love by Francis Chan for the last couple of months on Wednesday nights. A couple of chapters ago he challenged us a bit. He asked us to read 1 Corinthians 13 and everywhere we saw "love" to replace it with our names. And let me tell you, it was a humbling experience!
But it opened my eyes to just how BIG love is! When I need to remember how big, I just look up at the night sky. I think of just how big the God of the universe is to have created the galaxies and the stars, and yet He intimately loves me and shows me exactly what love looks like. It looks like the God of all things seeing the people He created caught up in their sin, not realizing they even needed to be made clean, and coming into that world. And even bigger than that, He was arrested, beaten, abused, mocked and crucified. The God who created the stars and the moon and the oceans and the mountains became nothing more than a sacrificial lamb for a people who would never appreciate it and could never repay the debt. That is love!
Love is so much bigger than we even understand! It looks like a Samaritan, a man on the very fringes of the Israelite people, helping a traveler (most likely a Jew) he finds on the side of the road. Not satisfied with just getting him up, the Samaritan takes him to an inn and pays for all of his needs. It looks like feeding the poor, living with lepers, forgiving our enemies. It looks like a single mom working two jobs for kids she barely sees. It looks like a college senior taking weekends out of her year to hang out with and take care of a girl who she knows won't be around forever because of her terminal diagnosis. It's easy for us to love the people we like. Love requires a little more risk than just loving the people we know will love us back. Love means dropping all we have to help people who may never be able to repay us.
I read 1 Corinthians 13 and can't help but be a little ashamed at the thought that I love well. If it describes something love is, I'm usually not. If there's something love isn't, I usually am in abundance. But that's not the point I'm learning. There's a God who IS all those things! And as I become less and He becomes more, incredibly love begins to shine through more and more in my life. And as that light shines, it has nothing to do with me! It has everything to do with the God who IS love!
I'm in the season of my life where people all around me are getting engaged and married and it seems like love is all around. Marriage is the biggest "I love you" we can give to one another. But I'm realizing how big that really is. It's so much bigger than "I really like hanging out with you and you're really cute and we have great chemistry." It's more like, from today forward, we're one. And I'm committing to daily being patient, being kind, being all these things that sin tries to tell us not to be, even when it's hard and when there are troubles. It reminds me of the way God loves! No matter what, no matter how you may be hurting or may not return it, my love is never leaving you. I'm not giving up on you, no matter whether you want me to or not!
forever unfinished...
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Cameron and Ian...
"The Lord your God is with you, hi is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." -Zephaniah 3:20
Last Wednesday I was in a funk. You ever have those days? No reason. No explanation. Nothing bad had happened. I'd even slept well the night before. I was just tired and energyless and just kind of BLAH! A bit irritated and probably impatient to be around. Mopey. Ever happen to you?
Well I'd like to thank my two friends Ian and Cameron for pulling me out of it. I was in the science library at Furman killing time before practice and just moping about, trying to work on some stuff for our trip to Barnabas this summer when I came across a video. And that inspired me to find some old Facebook pictures of these two buddies of mine. And I couldn't help but smile, even laugh. The funk broke, the clouds parted. I'd love to share a little bit about these two friends of mine.
Cameron.
Cameron is a young man who is probably about 13 by now. Two summers ago, I had the pleasure of meeting him at Camp Barnabas. Not just that, he was my camper. Let me just tell you, this man is a bundle of energy! He sees the world as if everything was new and exciting, the way a child does. Except he was the energy of maniac to go explore that world! And he gets the googly eyes around the ladies. You know what I mean: the blind stare, stuttering for words, might even drool if she's pretty enough. Needless to say, he doesn't hide his crushes well! Oh yeah, and he has a chromosomal deletion in his 13th chromosome or one of those, which has delayed his mental age by about 6 years and has greatly diminished his social awareness. He takes "No!" about as well as a two-year-old :)
Ian.
If Cameron was the brains of the operation, Ian was the brawn, more bowling ball than kid some days. Whether it is climbing bunk beds or rolling around in bed naked, the man goes full-steam ahead. You might get his shirt on, and before you got a sock on his left foot, the shirt would be on the floor and his face would be covered with a smile and laugh reaching from one ear to the other. Ian has one great love in his life: Spongebob Squarepants (or as he more accurately calls it, "Ba-ba-diggity.") A little momentum and this man cannot be stopped, no matter the wall in front of him. Oh yeah, he also has a developmental disorder in his chromosomes. It is extremely difficult to understand what he says and his mental age is about half his actual one. Right and wrong are relative for him, although no one would love him any other way!
I have these two men to thank for breaking my funk. I mean look at them! How could you not laugh and smile thinking about these two. And more than anything else: they'd have it no other way! All Cameron and Ian know how to do is have fun and enjoy themselves. Whether it be picking up rocks with pretty girls or sitting in the shallow end of the pool or holding the Spongebob DVD case, it's all joy to them. They remind me that life is mean to be lived and enjoyed, not tolerated. Not "blaaaahed" through. I CANNOT think of them and not smile. It's not possible. They remind me there is joy all around us. Amazing how kids with chromosome disorders can see that better than me most days...
forever unfinished...
Last Wednesday I was in a funk. You ever have those days? No reason. No explanation. Nothing bad had happened. I'd even slept well the night before. I was just tired and energyless and just kind of BLAH! A bit irritated and probably impatient to be around. Mopey. Ever happen to you?
Well I'd like to thank my two friends Ian and Cameron for pulling me out of it. I was in the science library at Furman killing time before practice and just moping about, trying to work on some stuff for our trip to Barnabas this summer when I came across a video. And that inspired me to find some old Facebook pictures of these two buddies of mine. And I couldn't help but smile, even laugh. The funk broke, the clouds parted. I'd love to share a little bit about these two friends of mine.
Cameron is a young man who is probably about 13 by now. Two summers ago, I had the pleasure of meeting him at Camp Barnabas. Not just that, he was my camper. Let me just tell you, this man is a bundle of energy! He sees the world as if everything was new and exciting, the way a child does. Except he was the energy of maniac to go explore that world! And he gets the googly eyes around the ladies. You know what I mean: the blind stare, stuttering for words, might even drool if she's pretty enough. Needless to say, he doesn't hide his crushes well! Oh yeah, and he has a chromosomal deletion in his 13th chromosome or one of those, which has delayed his mental age by about 6 years and has greatly diminished his social awareness. He takes "No!" about as well as a two-year-old :)
If Cameron was the brains of the operation, Ian was the brawn, more bowling ball than kid some days. Whether it is climbing bunk beds or rolling around in bed naked, the man goes full-steam ahead. You might get his shirt on, and before you got a sock on his left foot, the shirt would be on the floor and his face would be covered with a smile and laugh reaching from one ear to the other. Ian has one great love in his life: Spongebob Squarepants (or as he more accurately calls it, "Ba-ba-diggity.") A little momentum and this man cannot be stopped, no matter the wall in front of him. Oh yeah, he also has a developmental disorder in his chromosomes. It is extremely difficult to understand what he says and his mental age is about half his actual one. Right and wrong are relative for him, although no one would love him any other way!
I have these two men to thank for breaking my funk. I mean look at them! How could you not laugh and smile thinking about these two. And more than anything else: they'd have it no other way! All Cameron and Ian know how to do is have fun and enjoy themselves. Whether it be picking up rocks with pretty girls or sitting in the shallow end of the pool or holding the Spongebob DVD case, it's all joy to them. They remind me that life is mean to be lived and enjoyed, not tolerated. Not "blaaaahed" through. I CANNOT think of them and not smile. It's not possible. They remind me there is joy all around us. Amazing how kids with chromosome disorders can see that better than me most days...
forever unfinished...
Friday, November 11, 2011
Stones... (Forgive us our debts...)
"Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors" -Matthew 6:12
"7 times 70 times. There's healing in the air tonight. I'm reaching up to pull it down. Gonna wrap it all around" -Chris August
Stones and rocks can be really heavy, especially when we spend weeks, months, even years carrying them. And when your hands are busy holding onto rocks, it gets pretty difficult to grab onto anything else.
Jesus once met some people with stones in their hands. They were ready to stone a woman caught in adultery! And here's the crazy part, as far as they were concerned, it was what they were SUPPOSED to be doing. "It's what Moses to do to such women," they shouted. But let's set the scene a bit better...
The story tells us that while teaching in the temple courts, the priests brought in a woman caught in adultery. After hearing someone talk about it, I imagine this meant they pulled her FROM the act itself, naked and totally ashamed. So they stood her in front of Jesus and explained the situation and why she should be stoned to death. "What do you say?" they asked. At this Jesus did something strange. He bent over and started drawing with his finger in the dirt.
So they kept asking him with anger pouring from their lips. And after tuning it out for long enough, he slowly stood up, asked the crowd, "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." Then he went right be down to his drawing! One by one, they began to drop their stones and walked off, until it was just Jesus and the woman left. Then he said something amazing!
"Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?"
"No one, sir."
"Then neither do I condemn you. Go now and leave your life of sin."
He stood there and offered her a fresh start, a new life. He didn't condemn her as the law of Moses had called for. He didn't stone her. He blotted out all the anger of the crowd and offered her renewal and forgiveness.
We all have people in our lives that there is tension with, people who have hurt us. Sometimes they are people who have done things we just can't let go of. Maybe it's a parent who failed to love us. Maybe it's a boyfriend or a girlfriend or a spouse who has cheated or lied. Maybe it's a friend who has talked behind our back. No matter their story, we all have stones with specific people's names on them. We have people we just can't forgive.
But if God can forgive and redeem and restore a naked woman pulled out of a bed committing adultery and he can forgive me, with all of the hurts I have committed and all of the sin that comes between him and me, then I'm positive He can forgive the people who have hurt me and the people who have hurt you.
I've seen those people in my life. That's why I've sent some of the most loving e-mails I've ever written to Glynis Bethel over the past few months (to understand this, just visit susanleathers.com.) That's why I've started to pray for the people who have hurt me the most over the past few weeks. Because life is so much more beautiful and wonderful when our hands aren't full of stones we could drop whenever we're ready. Because God is ready to heal the wounds that have left us scarred and to restore us where we've fallen short. Because it's so much easier to embrace each other when our hands aren't clinched around stones but around our brothers and sisters...
As a related aside, I've had this song on repeat for the last week. I heard it live last Thursday and have not been able to get it out of my head. For anybody fighting to forgive, to let go of those stones, particularly when it is our families that have hurt us, this is for you.
forever unfinished...
"7 times 70 times. There's healing in the air tonight. I'm reaching up to pull it down. Gonna wrap it all around" -Chris August
Stones and rocks can be really heavy, especially when we spend weeks, months, even years carrying them. And when your hands are busy holding onto rocks, it gets pretty difficult to grab onto anything else.
Jesus once met some people with stones in their hands. They were ready to stone a woman caught in adultery! And here's the crazy part, as far as they were concerned, it was what they were SUPPOSED to be doing. "It's what Moses to do to such women," they shouted. But let's set the scene a bit better...
The story tells us that while teaching in the temple courts, the priests brought in a woman caught in adultery. After hearing someone talk about it, I imagine this meant they pulled her FROM the act itself, naked and totally ashamed. So they stood her in front of Jesus and explained the situation and why she should be stoned to death. "What do you say?" they asked. At this Jesus did something strange. He bent over and started drawing with his finger in the dirt.
So they kept asking him with anger pouring from their lips. And after tuning it out for long enough, he slowly stood up, asked the crowd, "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." Then he went right be down to his drawing! One by one, they began to drop their stones and walked off, until it was just Jesus and the woman left. Then he said something amazing!
"Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?"
"No one, sir."
"Then neither do I condemn you. Go now and leave your life of sin."
He stood there and offered her a fresh start, a new life. He didn't condemn her as the law of Moses had called for. He didn't stone her. He blotted out all the anger of the crowd and offered her renewal and forgiveness.
We all have people in our lives that there is tension with, people who have hurt us. Sometimes they are people who have done things we just can't let go of. Maybe it's a parent who failed to love us. Maybe it's a boyfriend or a girlfriend or a spouse who has cheated or lied. Maybe it's a friend who has talked behind our back. No matter their story, we all have stones with specific people's names on them. We have people we just can't forgive.
But if God can forgive and redeem and restore a naked woman pulled out of a bed committing adultery and he can forgive me, with all of the hurts I have committed and all of the sin that comes between him and me, then I'm positive He can forgive the people who have hurt me and the people who have hurt you.
I've seen those people in my life. That's why I've sent some of the most loving e-mails I've ever written to Glynis Bethel over the past few months (to understand this, just visit susanleathers.com.) That's why I've started to pray for the people who have hurt me the most over the past few weeks. Because life is so much more beautiful and wonderful when our hands aren't full of stones we could drop whenever we're ready. Because God is ready to heal the wounds that have left us scarred and to restore us where we've fallen short. Because it's so much easier to embrace each other when our hands aren't clinched around stones but around our brothers and sisters...
As a related aside, I've had this song on repeat for the last week. I heard it live last Thursday and have not been able to get it out of my head. For anybody fighting to forgive, to let go of those stones, particularly when it is our families that have hurt us, this is for you.
forever unfinished...
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Our Daily Bread...
"Give us today our daily bread." -Matthew 6:11
"A gold medal is a wonderful thing, but if you're not enough without it, you'll never be enough with it"- Cool Runnings
This is Part 2 of this little walk through the Lord's Prayer.
Let me first say that I'm not a huge bread guy. Sure, I love a good peanut butter sandwich on whole wheat or a great french toast and I do love a nice loaf of sourdough. But couldn't God have given us something with a little more toast? Like, "Give us today our daily burrito, or our daily milkshake?" Why settle for bread if that's what we're going to ask for?
Obviously, that's not the point, just a disclaimer. The point is slightly more profound. And the question becomes, what does it mean to ask for our daily bread? I've got an idea.
When the Israelites first began to wander in the desert after God PARTED A SEA and ALLOWED THEM TO ESCAPE FROM SLAVERY they began to bicker. They complained?! Here they were free, and they were complaining and actually saying they would prefer death in Egypt to where they were! "At least we had food there," they called out. So God said to Moses, "I will rain down bread from heaven for you. The people are to go out each day and gather enough for that day." Sound familiar?
Jesus was Jewish. He would've known this story since the time he was a boy. And it seems to me there's a little overlap. When the Israelites went out and gathered the bread God placed for them in the morning, they all had just enough for every person in their tent. Then there was a little stipulation. They weren't supposed to save it! They had to trust that God would provide what they needed again the next day, and the next. I'm sorry, but I might've tried to save just a little. I mean, what happens if God forgets or something?
But God didn't forget. He provided each day their daily bread. He sustained them. He hasn't stopped yet.
Money has never been a big temptation for me in my life, for which I am eternally grateful. But please don't misunderstand, money is not a bad thing! It is an incredible blessing for us. It can be used for incredible and wonderful things! But it will NEVER provide infinite security or comfort. There will never be enough. And let's face it, money can go just as fast as it can come.
I think that's why Jesus says, "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Stuff has limits. Stuff can only bring so much joy. It's finite. When we store it up, what need is there for faith? If our stuff can satisfy all of our needs, there doesn't seem to be much need for a God who can provide daily bread.
But God doesn't stop providing. He never leaves us lacking. He never stops satisfying our needs. He will never fail us nor forsake us. That's what Jesus' prayer calls us to remember: that it's not about what we have, but remembering there's a God who provided it and at the end of the day, if we're not satisfied with him, we'll never be satisfied with what He gives...
forever unfinished...
"A gold medal is a wonderful thing, but if you're not enough without it, you'll never be enough with it"- Cool Runnings
This is Part 2 of this little walk through the Lord's Prayer.
Let me first say that I'm not a huge bread guy. Sure, I love a good peanut butter sandwich on whole wheat or a great french toast and I do love a nice loaf of sourdough. But couldn't God have given us something with a little more toast? Like, "Give us today our daily burrito, or our daily milkshake?" Why settle for bread if that's what we're going to ask for?
Obviously, that's not the point, just a disclaimer. The point is slightly more profound. And the question becomes, what does it mean to ask for our daily bread? I've got an idea.
When the Israelites first began to wander in the desert after God PARTED A SEA and ALLOWED THEM TO ESCAPE FROM SLAVERY they began to bicker. They complained?! Here they were free, and they were complaining and actually saying they would prefer death in Egypt to where they were! "At least we had food there," they called out. So God said to Moses, "I will rain down bread from heaven for you. The people are to go out each day and gather enough for that day." Sound familiar?
Jesus was Jewish. He would've known this story since the time he was a boy. And it seems to me there's a little overlap. When the Israelites went out and gathered the bread God placed for them in the morning, they all had just enough for every person in their tent. Then there was a little stipulation. They weren't supposed to save it! They had to trust that God would provide what they needed again the next day, and the next. I'm sorry, but I might've tried to save just a little. I mean, what happens if God forgets or something?
But God didn't forget. He provided each day their daily bread. He sustained them. He hasn't stopped yet.
Money has never been a big temptation for me in my life, for which I am eternally grateful. But please don't misunderstand, money is not a bad thing! It is an incredible blessing for us. It can be used for incredible and wonderful things! But it will NEVER provide infinite security or comfort. There will never be enough. And let's face it, money can go just as fast as it can come.
I think that's why Jesus says, "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Stuff has limits. Stuff can only bring so much joy. It's finite. When we store it up, what need is there for faith? If our stuff can satisfy all of our needs, there doesn't seem to be much need for a God who can provide daily bread.
But God doesn't stop providing. He never leaves us lacking. He never stops satisfying our needs. He will never fail us nor forsake us. That's what Jesus' prayer calls us to remember: that it's not about what we have, but remembering there's a God who provided it and at the end of the day, if we're not satisfied with him, we'll never be satisfied with what He gives...
forever unfinished...
Friday, November 4, 2011
Broken Jars and a Confession...
"I am just a beggar here at your door. I am just a shipwreck here on your shore" -Starfield
"How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me?" -Psalm 13:1-2
This is an in-between in the Lord's Prayer blogs :)
I was talking to Pastor David the other day and somehow we got to talking about church architecture (which is probably #1023 on my list of most interesting topics,) and he said something really interesting that has stuck with me the past few weeks. "I like cathedrals with confessionals," he said. "It reminds me we're not perfect and that we have something to confess to the God of the universe."
But it's SO true. Church is a place where broken, imperfect people come to worship a perfect God. And yet I, we, come to church with all the masks of the world on, dressed up putting our best foot forward. We make sure we don't show any of our pains or weaknesses or sin or imperfections because that would mean we don't measure up to everyone else. Or even more scary and painful, we think we somehow might not deserve to be in the presence of the God who knit us together.
One of my favorite images is a cracked jar with a candle in it. At first glance, the jar is worthless with its cracks and breaks. But then you light the candle, and realize that without those cracks, no light could get out. It takes a few cracks before the light can start shining through... Nobody is perfect. When we cover up those cracks and act like everything is always perfect, it becomes about us, and Jesus never gets a chance to shine through. But when we embrace our sin, our pain, our struggles and lay them before our merciful God, He is faithful to fill those voids, to fill in the places where we are cracked.
The bible is FULL of people like Moses and Abraham and David who were TOTALLY flawed! But in the midst of those flaws, God shined through. The Psalms are full of David's crying out because he is at the end of his rope. Job CANNOT understand why God would allow everything he has to be destroyed. Jacob wrestled with God. I count myself among these broken brothers, and as Usher says, this is my confession...
I feel pain. A LOT! When relationships aren't perfect or life doesn't take the turns I expect, it hurts! There are nights when I cry out, yell out, scream out to God asking to understand why. I lie to people because I'm afraid of the truth. I make excuses for bailing when I get afraid of committing or going out on a limb. I judge people the second I see them. My tongue is often more full of sarcasm, gossip and words to bring people down than it is with love to build people up. I'm selfish and can be terribly impatient when it comes to other people's desires and dreams. I promise to be there for people and then fall flat on following through. There are days that I feel like David, feeling like the last thing I want to do is open my bible because He feels far away.
I am not perfect. I am broken and flawed. And yet, I know there is a God who fills in those cracks and shines through. I cry out to a God who takes those flaws and makes something beautiful. None of us can say we don't need the same thing. It seems to me, the more we embrace our cracks, the brighter the candle shines through. And it's a beautiful thing...
forever unfinished...
"How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me?" -Psalm 13:1-2
This is an in-between in the Lord's Prayer blogs :)
I was talking to Pastor David the other day and somehow we got to talking about church architecture (which is probably #1023 on my list of most interesting topics,) and he said something really interesting that has stuck with me the past few weeks. "I like cathedrals with confessionals," he said. "It reminds me we're not perfect and that we have something to confess to the God of the universe."
But it's SO true. Church is a place where broken, imperfect people come to worship a perfect God. And yet I, we, come to church with all the masks of the world on, dressed up putting our best foot forward. We make sure we don't show any of our pains or weaknesses or sin or imperfections because that would mean we don't measure up to everyone else. Or even more scary and painful, we think we somehow might not deserve to be in the presence of the God who knit us together.
One of my favorite images is a cracked jar with a candle in it. At first glance, the jar is worthless with its cracks and breaks. But then you light the candle, and realize that without those cracks, no light could get out. It takes a few cracks before the light can start shining through... Nobody is perfect. When we cover up those cracks and act like everything is always perfect, it becomes about us, and Jesus never gets a chance to shine through. But when we embrace our sin, our pain, our struggles and lay them before our merciful God, He is faithful to fill those voids, to fill in the places where we are cracked.
The bible is FULL of people like Moses and Abraham and David who were TOTALLY flawed! But in the midst of those flaws, God shined through. The Psalms are full of David's crying out because he is at the end of his rope. Job CANNOT understand why God would allow everything he has to be destroyed. Jacob wrestled with God. I count myself among these broken brothers, and as Usher says, this is my confession...
I feel pain. A LOT! When relationships aren't perfect or life doesn't take the turns I expect, it hurts! There are nights when I cry out, yell out, scream out to God asking to understand why. I lie to people because I'm afraid of the truth. I make excuses for bailing when I get afraid of committing or going out on a limb. I judge people the second I see them. My tongue is often more full of sarcasm, gossip and words to bring people down than it is with love to build people up. I'm selfish and can be terribly impatient when it comes to other people's desires and dreams. I promise to be there for people and then fall flat on following through. There are days that I feel like David, feeling like the last thing I want to do is open my bible because He feels far away.
I am not perfect. I am broken and flawed. And yet, I know there is a God who fills in those cracks and shines through. I cry out to a God who takes those flaws and makes something beautiful. None of us can say we don't need the same thing. It seems to me, the more we embrace our cracks, the brighter the candle shines through. And it's a beautiful thing...
forever unfinished...
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Your Kingdom Come...
"This, then, is how you should pray: 'Our father in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven...' " -Matthew 6:9-10
This is a Part 1 blog. 1 of 4 to be exact. The past 5 weeks, the youth of PHOTOS and I have been walking through a little series called, "Livin' Like Jesus Prayed." Basically, we've been walking through it actually looks like to pray and live out the prayer Jesus taught us to pray millennia ago.
I have to confess that most of the time when I arrive to a church service on Sunday mornings and we get to the part where we all share in praying the Lord's Prayer, it's really easy for me to just speak. I mean, after all, these are words I know like the back of my hand (which side is that again?) I've been saying them since I was in vacation bible school as a little tike. Sometimes I don't even know what I said! Have you ever been there? It's ok to raise your hand, no one is looking (go ahead and turn around, I promise no one's looking!)
And yet, when Jesus is describing how to pray to his disciples for the first time, this is the blueprint he lays out for them. There must be something to it I figure. So piece by piece I've tried to work through it, to understand what Jesus is getting at. To understand what we're called to be praying for. To understand how to pray and how to receive the life and life to the fullest He offers. So today I start where every good journey should begin, at the beginning. "Your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven."
Moses.
Moses didn't have plans to set the Israelites free in Egypt. When he fled to Midian, he married and started to tend sheep out in the desert. He was content. He was happy even. But God had other plans. On the mountain he set a bush on fire, but it did not burn. When his curiosity got to be too much, Moses reached the bush to investigate. "Moses! Moses!" the Lord called out. And as if to answer his call to arms, Moses replies with a simple "Here I am."
"I have heard the cries of my people," God answers. And then he lays the big one on Moses. "And now, I am sending you to Pharaoh (only the most powerful person in Egypt who wants him dead) to bring my people the Israelites out of Egypt." BOOM! No more farming. No more sheep herding. Those days were over for Moses. Now he was charged with rescuing his entire people from Egypt. And he was shocked! "Who am I, that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?"
I think that's the pivotal question in this whole story. Who am I to do that? I'm JUST a shepherd. It's like Moses is saying, "God, I'm just a nobody. I've got my own thing going on over here and SURELY there is someone better for this job." But God had his man, and He knew it. He didn't have any doubts. "I will be with you," He replies. Moses had no plans to save the Israelites, but God did. And He was going to see those plans through. And Moses went.
Jeremiah.
Jeremiah was just a boy. A teenager MAYBE. And God came to him and said, "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations." Whoa whoa whoa! A boy? Prophet to the nations? Jeremiah responds, "I do not know how to speak; I am only a CHILD." Jeremiah was probably being apprenticed in a trade at this time. He had a plain old life laid out before him. But God had other plans.
"Do not say, 'I am only a child.'... Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you," God reassured. God had plans for Jeremiah, plans Jeremiah could have never dreamed of and probably was afraid of and quite possibly didn't want to be any part of. But Jeremiah went.
As God would later speak to the Israelites in Jeremiah's book, "For I know the plans I have for you... plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
I think that's what Jesus is getting it. It's like he's saying, "Pray this, 'God let you kingdom, your plans, be my plans. I let your will be done in my life now, just as it would in heaven.'" It's like he's saying, "God, don't be in my plans. Instead, let ME be in YOUR plans." Moses and Jeremiah had there own plans, and God totally changed them. He took them on a total 180-degree flip. He doesn't promise that life will be easy when we follow those plans. Moses faced insurmountable odds and challenges (like crossing a sea and turning a river into blood,) but God would NOT let His plans fail. Jeremiah was barely a boy, but God gave him the words.
God has purpose for our lives. He has plans to prosper us, to give us hope, to give us life and life to the fullest! When I pray, I want to ask not for God to be in MY this or MY that, but to let me be a part of HIS this or HIS that. Because those plans will never fail. When we catch a glimpse of those plans and get a chance to tag along to those plans, that becomes a beautiful adventure.
forever unfinished...
This is a Part 1 blog. 1 of 4 to be exact. The past 5 weeks, the youth of PHOTOS and I have been walking through a little series called, "Livin' Like Jesus Prayed." Basically, we've been walking through it actually looks like to pray and live out the prayer Jesus taught us to pray millennia ago.
I have to confess that most of the time when I arrive to a church service on Sunday mornings and we get to the part where we all share in praying the Lord's Prayer, it's really easy for me to just speak. I mean, after all, these are words I know like the back of my hand (which side is that again?) I've been saying them since I was in vacation bible school as a little tike. Sometimes I don't even know what I said! Have you ever been there? It's ok to raise your hand, no one is looking (go ahead and turn around, I promise no one's looking!)
And yet, when Jesus is describing how to pray to his disciples for the first time, this is the blueprint he lays out for them. There must be something to it I figure. So piece by piece I've tried to work through it, to understand what Jesus is getting at. To understand what we're called to be praying for. To understand how to pray and how to receive the life and life to the fullest He offers. So today I start where every good journey should begin, at the beginning. "Your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven."
Moses.
Moses didn't have plans to set the Israelites free in Egypt. When he fled to Midian, he married and started to tend sheep out in the desert. He was content. He was happy even. But God had other plans. On the mountain he set a bush on fire, but it did not burn. When his curiosity got to be too much, Moses reached the bush to investigate. "Moses! Moses!" the Lord called out. And as if to answer his call to arms, Moses replies with a simple "Here I am."
"I have heard the cries of my people," God answers. And then he lays the big one on Moses. "And now, I am sending you to Pharaoh (only the most powerful person in Egypt who wants him dead) to bring my people the Israelites out of Egypt." BOOM! No more farming. No more sheep herding. Those days were over for Moses. Now he was charged with rescuing his entire people from Egypt. And he was shocked! "Who am I, that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?"
I think that's the pivotal question in this whole story. Who am I to do that? I'm JUST a shepherd. It's like Moses is saying, "God, I'm just a nobody. I've got my own thing going on over here and SURELY there is someone better for this job." But God had his man, and He knew it. He didn't have any doubts. "I will be with you," He replies. Moses had no plans to save the Israelites, but God did. And He was going to see those plans through. And Moses went.
Jeremiah.
Jeremiah was just a boy. A teenager MAYBE. And God came to him and said, "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations." Whoa whoa whoa! A boy? Prophet to the nations? Jeremiah responds, "I do not know how to speak; I am only a CHILD." Jeremiah was probably being apprenticed in a trade at this time. He had a plain old life laid out before him. But God had other plans.
"Do not say, 'I am only a child.'... Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you," God reassured. God had plans for Jeremiah, plans Jeremiah could have never dreamed of and probably was afraid of and quite possibly didn't want to be any part of. But Jeremiah went.
As God would later speak to the Israelites in Jeremiah's book, "For I know the plans I have for you... plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
I think that's what Jesus is getting it. It's like he's saying, "Pray this, 'God let you kingdom, your plans, be my plans. I let your will be done in my life now, just as it would in heaven.'" It's like he's saying, "God, don't be in my plans. Instead, let ME be in YOUR plans." Moses and Jeremiah had there own plans, and God totally changed them. He took them on a total 180-degree flip. He doesn't promise that life will be easy when we follow those plans. Moses faced insurmountable odds and challenges (like crossing a sea and turning a river into blood,) but God would NOT let His plans fail. Jeremiah was barely a boy, but God gave him the words.
God has purpose for our lives. He has plans to prosper us, to give us hope, to give us life and life to the fullest! When I pray, I want to ask not for God to be in MY this or MY that, but to let me be a part of HIS this or HIS that. Because those plans will never fail. When we catch a glimpse of those plans and get a chance to tag along to those plans, that becomes a beautiful adventure.
forever unfinished...
Monday, October 24, 2011
Not Tomorrow...
"Just give it time and everything changes, tomorrow comes, today will be gone" -Jon McLaughlin
"From of old no one has heard, or perceived by the ear, no eye has seen a God besides thee, who works for those who wait for him." -Isaiah 64:4
Last night I got to talk with my long lost LG, Peggy Howell, who wanted to check in and see how I was. She asked me how things were going. "Good," I said, "although sometimes I wish things went faster. Sometimes I wish I could just get on with it."
Sometimes I feel like God has blessed me with the gift of patience. But other days I feel like it's the last thing that I am. It's easy to be patient with little things like slow waiters at restaurants or with busy people in the library. But with long term things, I'm terribly IMPATIENT!
I want immediate answers. I want immediate movement. I struggle trusting in an uncertain future when I know how I want things to work out. When there is something I want, too often I want it immediately, putting what I want way before trying to help others get what they are fighting for. But in talking to Peggy, I was reminded of something I tell others all the time. "If something is really special and important to you, it's worth waiting for."
Sometimes things don't work out on the schedule we want them to. The Israelites had to wait 40 years in the desert for a promised land beyond there wildest dreams. God doesn't say that we will get the things we want today, or even at all. If something is worth fighting for or truly special though, then it is worth waiting for. I haven't been very patient recently with multiple places in my life. But while I was talking to Peggy talking about something I have been hoping would come soon, I said, "Probably not tomorrow though." A lot of times we want things today, I know I do. And sometimes if we can't have them immediately, then we give up on it. Sometimes things don't come today. And sometimes they don't come tomorrow. But if it's something truly worth waiting for, then I can wait and be patient...
forever unfinished...
"From of old no one has heard, or perceived by the ear, no eye has seen a God besides thee, who works for those who wait for him." -Isaiah 64:4
Last night I got to talk with my long lost LG, Peggy Howell, who wanted to check in and see how I was. She asked me how things were going. "Good," I said, "although sometimes I wish things went faster. Sometimes I wish I could just get on with it."
Sometimes I feel like God has blessed me with the gift of patience. But other days I feel like it's the last thing that I am. It's easy to be patient with little things like slow waiters at restaurants or with busy people in the library. But with long term things, I'm terribly IMPATIENT!
I want immediate answers. I want immediate movement. I struggle trusting in an uncertain future when I know how I want things to work out. When there is something I want, too often I want it immediately, putting what I want way before trying to help others get what they are fighting for. But in talking to Peggy, I was reminded of something I tell others all the time. "If something is really special and important to you, it's worth waiting for."
Sometimes things don't work out on the schedule we want them to. The Israelites had to wait 40 years in the desert for a promised land beyond there wildest dreams. God doesn't say that we will get the things we want today, or even at all. If something is worth fighting for or truly special though, then it is worth waiting for. I haven't been very patient recently with multiple places in my life. But while I was talking to Peggy talking about something I have been hoping would come soon, I said, "Probably not tomorrow though." A lot of times we want things today, I know I do. And sometimes if we can't have them immediately, then we give up on it. Sometimes things don't come today. And sometimes they don't come tomorrow. But if it's something truly worth waiting for, then I can wait and be patient...
forever unfinished...
Friday, October 21, 2011
Committing to contentment...
"There are two roads to walk down and one road to choose, so I'm thinking over the things that you've said" -Dana Glover
As the last couple of weeks have unfolded, I've learned a lot of things about myself. And one is something I've always known, but has really been put away until now. Raise your hand if you've heard this one before: "I'm a guy. And I have commitment issues..."
I think it all started with the band at Steele Lane Elementary School (jokes and laughing can begin now.) But seriously, I was in fifth grade, and just kind of on a whim I told Mrs. Barron-Stultz that I wanted to quit and not play the saxophone. Thank goodness for her and not letting me quit until the year was over. A couple years later it was baseball (which I played for seven years before quitting,) then football (which I quit before summer workouts started at BHS,) then basketball (because it was going to consume my life and I wanted to do other things.)
There's this funny saying: "The grass is always greener on the other side." It's a funny one.
For the better part of my teenage and "grown-up" life, I think I've lived down to this WAY too much. I always see other options and think to myself, "I wonder if that might be better..." I even tried to drop-out of Furman once, and probably would have had it not been for my wonderful mother who back-handed that idea right out of my head when I brought it up while we were watching "A Walk to Remember" during Easter Break my freshman year.
This summer I found myself living out this thought once again. Doubts about whether I was sure of what I wanted. What if there might be better? Well, they say admitting you have a problem is the first step. Maybe, but if you never move past that step, it doesn't get you much does it? So here I am to say that I'm sick of wondering how green the grass on the other side really is. Because the truth is, if we allow ourselves to fully enjoy the beauty of what we have in the moment, the grass will always look greener right where we are! We can soak up the joy of what we have and not settle for wondering, "What if?"
So here it goes, "I'm a guy. And I'm leaving my commitment issues at the door..."
forever unfinished...
As the last couple of weeks have unfolded, I've learned a lot of things about myself. And one is something I've always known, but has really been put away until now. Raise your hand if you've heard this one before: "I'm a guy. And I have commitment issues..."
I think it all started with the band at Steele Lane Elementary School (jokes and laughing can begin now.) But seriously, I was in fifth grade, and just kind of on a whim I told Mrs. Barron-Stultz that I wanted to quit and not play the saxophone. Thank goodness for her and not letting me quit until the year was over. A couple years later it was baseball (which I played for seven years before quitting,) then football (which I quit before summer workouts started at BHS,) then basketball (because it was going to consume my life and I wanted to do other things.)
There's this funny saying: "The grass is always greener on the other side." It's a funny one.
For the better part of my teenage and "grown-up" life, I think I've lived down to this WAY too much. I always see other options and think to myself, "I wonder if that might be better..." I even tried to drop-out of Furman once, and probably would have had it not been for my wonderful mother who back-handed that idea right out of my head when I brought it up while we were watching "A Walk to Remember" during Easter Break my freshman year.
This summer I found myself living out this thought once again. Doubts about whether I was sure of what I wanted. What if there might be better? Well, they say admitting you have a problem is the first step. Maybe, but if you never move past that step, it doesn't get you much does it? So here I am to say that I'm sick of wondering how green the grass on the other side really is. Because the truth is, if we allow ourselves to fully enjoy the beauty of what we have in the moment, the grass will always look greener right where we are! We can soak up the joy of what we have and not settle for wondering, "What if?"
So here it goes, "I'm a guy. And I'm leaving my commitment issues at the door..."
forever unfinished...
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
φωτός...
φωτός (photos)- "to be of light"
"We were all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same" -Coach Carter
Life is a gift, the greatest gift in fact. It's this beautiful, once in a lifetime kind of thing. And yet we treat it like such a burden sometimes. The busyness and tiredness of our lives so often keeps us from soaking up and giving all that life has for us!
I get caught up in this far more than I could ever possibly wish to. I like to think that I'm a pretty optimistic, fun-loving guy, but there are too many times when I just kind of coast through the day, getting from wake-up to sleep without LIVING! Why? I want to live a life that matters, to make a difference in the lives of those around me, to be overwhelmed and overwhelming with love. TO SHINE A LIGHT...
When Jesus first spoke to His disciples on the mountaintop, he talked with them about light. "You ARE the light of the world," He told them. Not just at church on Sundays. Not just around your friends. Not just on mission trips. We have a light to shine, everywhere we go.
Light is a funny thing. Everywhere there is a light source, everything around it becomes brighter. Even in pitch black, all it takes a little light and things become visible. As gloomy and unsettling as the dark can be, a simple match can illuminate and bring life where there wasn't. It's like Jesus said, "Instead they put (the light) on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house." We ALL have a light to offer those around us! We all have gifts which brighten the lives of everyone we touch!
That's the life I want to live, the life I hope to be living today. So many times I let my busy schedule or my downer days or my tiredness or my selfishness cover up the light that God has given me to shine. Instead of shining joy and love into people, I let my own worries consume me and I become just another truck spinning its tires in the mud of life's day to day busyness. Life is BIGGER than that. Life has more JOY than that. I want to live consumed in light, living out each second of each day like it is on purpose, knowing that every breath is a gift and not worth wasting. I never want to be lacking in love, with my friends, family, strangers I pass on the street.
Does this mean there won't be days when I'm busy, when I'm tired, when I'm upset or distracted? Does this mean there won't be times when the darkness seems to overpower the light? No! There is pain and there is tiredness in our lives. But I want to fight for the joy, hope, peace, life, and love that the light brings each day. I want to fight that the light will always overpower the dark. I want to always remember that in the darkest moments, Jesus' light shines its most brightly!
"In the same way, let you light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven." -Matthew 5:16
forever unfinished...
"We were all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same" -Coach Carter
Life is a gift, the greatest gift in fact. It's this beautiful, once in a lifetime kind of thing. And yet we treat it like such a burden sometimes. The busyness and tiredness of our lives so often keeps us from soaking up and giving all that life has for us!
I get caught up in this far more than I could ever possibly wish to. I like to think that I'm a pretty optimistic, fun-loving guy, but there are too many times when I just kind of coast through the day, getting from wake-up to sleep without LIVING! Why? I want to live a life that matters, to make a difference in the lives of those around me, to be overwhelmed and overwhelming with love. TO SHINE A LIGHT...
When Jesus first spoke to His disciples on the mountaintop, he talked with them about light. "You ARE the light of the world," He told them. Not just at church on Sundays. Not just around your friends. Not just on mission trips. We have a light to shine, everywhere we go.
Light is a funny thing. Everywhere there is a light source, everything around it becomes brighter. Even in pitch black, all it takes a little light and things become visible. As gloomy and unsettling as the dark can be, a simple match can illuminate and bring life where there wasn't. It's like Jesus said, "Instead they put (the light) on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house." We ALL have a light to offer those around us! We all have gifts which brighten the lives of everyone we touch!
That's the life I want to live, the life I hope to be living today. So many times I let my busy schedule or my downer days or my tiredness or my selfishness cover up the light that God has given me to shine. Instead of shining joy and love into people, I let my own worries consume me and I become just another truck spinning its tires in the mud of life's day to day busyness. Life is BIGGER than that. Life has more JOY than that. I want to live consumed in light, living out each second of each day like it is on purpose, knowing that every breath is a gift and not worth wasting. I never want to be lacking in love, with my friends, family, strangers I pass on the street.
Does this mean there won't be days when I'm busy, when I'm tired, when I'm upset or distracted? Does this mean there won't be times when the darkness seems to overpower the light? No! There is pain and there is tiredness in our lives. But I want to fight for the joy, hope, peace, life, and love that the light brings each day. I want to fight that the light will always overpower the dark. I want to always remember that in the darkest moments, Jesus' light shines its most brightly!
"In the same way, let you light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven." -Matthew 5:16
forever unfinished...
Monday, October 17, 2011
Control...
"Tried to move on but it turns out it was harder than it seemed" -Ernie Halter
Last Wednesday I had lunch to catch-up with the wonderful Brentwood-native Paladin Emily Ralls, who apparently has basically shared my feelings and experiences of the last month as it turns out. After an hour of talking, she asked me an interesting question, one that I haven't thought about. "It's been really hard for me, but have you gotten to the point where you don't have to control the situation?" I have asked myself a lot of questions in the last couple weeks, but that honestly hadn't ever crossed my mind. I suppose in ways it had, but I'd never wrestled with that in those words. And having thought through it for a week, I'm not sure that I have gotten to that point, but I'm definitely moving towards it.
In the midst of the last month, I've realized how much not being in control is hard for me. Breaking up is hard. It hadn't really clicked to me that things have been frustrating because there is nothing I can do. Sometimes, as much as I want to fight or understand to work things out, there's nothing for me that I can do. It's hard to understand when great things end. I can't change the past. I can't make people feel things that they don't. I can't just let things go and find perfect closure because I still want to deal with it, want to talk, want to fight. It's all in what I want that way. And that's a selfishness I don't want. When things end without warning or understanding, I want to understand why and work it out.
But therein lies my prayer. As they say, I am ready to let go and let God. I've been holding on to this for too long, not knowing where it leads, but wanting to be able to control it and change it. I want to be ready to just let go. Peace will only come once I'm ready to give up control and stop wanting to fix things. Peace comes with moving on and letting go. So I'm praying for the peace to give up control, to give up wanting to fix things. I want to just surrender it all and find the peace God is offering me. I can't always control, and in those times, I need the peace and patience God offers more than at any other time.
forever unfinished...
Last Wednesday I had lunch to catch-up with the wonderful Brentwood-native Paladin Emily Ralls, who apparently has basically shared my feelings and experiences of the last month as it turns out. After an hour of talking, she asked me an interesting question, one that I haven't thought about. "It's been really hard for me, but have you gotten to the point where you don't have to control the situation?" I have asked myself a lot of questions in the last couple weeks, but that honestly hadn't ever crossed my mind. I suppose in ways it had, but I'd never wrestled with that in those words. And having thought through it for a week, I'm not sure that I have gotten to that point, but I'm definitely moving towards it.
In the midst of the last month, I've realized how much not being in control is hard for me. Breaking up is hard. It hadn't really clicked to me that things have been frustrating because there is nothing I can do. Sometimes, as much as I want to fight or understand to work things out, there's nothing for me that I can do. It's hard to understand when great things end. I can't change the past. I can't make people feel things that they don't. I can't just let things go and find perfect closure because I still want to deal with it, want to talk, want to fight. It's all in what I want that way. And that's a selfishness I don't want. When things end without warning or understanding, I want to understand why and work it out.
But therein lies my prayer. As they say, I am ready to let go and let God. I've been holding on to this for too long, not knowing where it leads, but wanting to be able to control it and change it. I want to be ready to just let go. Peace will only come once I'm ready to give up control and stop wanting to fix things. Peace comes with moving on and letting go. So I'm praying for the peace to give up control, to give up wanting to fix things. I want to just surrender it all and find the peace God is offering me. I can't always control, and in those times, I need the peace and patience God offers more than at any other time.
forever unfinished...
Sleep...
"I don't need answers. I just need some peace. I just need someone who can help me get some sleep, who can help me get some sleep." -Ben Rector
For the past month, sleep has been an incredibly valuable commodity in my life. If there's one thing I've learned in the last year, it's that when things are on my mind, sleep is the first thing to go. Last spring, lost sleep. This past month, lost sleep. My mind has been racing, asking questions, wondering how's and why's. And laying in bed, there are fewer distractions and it builds. It's wearing me out. I'm tired. I need rest. I feel sapped. Praying for the gift of restfulness and sleep!
forever unfinished...
For the past month, sleep has been an incredibly valuable commodity in my life. If there's one thing I've learned in the last year, it's that when things are on my mind, sleep is the first thing to go. Last spring, lost sleep. This past month, lost sleep. My mind has been racing, asking questions, wondering how's and why's. And laying in bed, there are fewer distractions and it builds. It's wearing me out. I'm tired. I need rest. I feel sapped. Praying for the gift of restfulness and sleep!
forever unfinished...
My parents...
This morning as I woke up I was reading through the latest issue of ESPN The Magazine which my roommates subscribe to. In it they polled 8 athletes about how they felt about work stoppages (a.k.a. lockouts,) and one of the responses caught me tremendously off-guard and honestly made me a little angry. Michael Young, the tremendous infielder for the Texas Rangers, said, "Look at sports like football, where one hit can ruin a career. Players have to fight to support their families." When I read that, it took me aback, although not too far aback as I must admit, I was sitting on the on the throne in the bathroom while I read it :)
But it made me realize how incredibly thankful I am for my family, particularly my parents, and how rarely I tell them what an incredible job of raising a family they did! In 10 years, my parents probably won't make what the lowest paid of major professional athletes make in 1. My dad works unbelievable hours as hard as he can for the least supported football team in the SEC, doing the job other schools have 3 people to do. He's up early to work on game notes and to write media guides, and gets home after long nights of practice and games, usually energy-sapping losses. My mom was a newspaper editor for her whole life. Well, that is until the newspaper business tanked and she was laid off just before Christmas nearly three years ago. Now? She works even more hours than my dad on the thing that she is more passionate about than anything that's not her family, the Brentwood Home Page. An online magazine catering to "all things Brentwood," she trots around town following every scoop and every meeting, pounds the pavement seeking advertising partners, and does everything else needed with a staff of 10 less than what is needed.
But you know what, my parents are everything a son could hope for! I know how much it killed my dad when he couldn't make it to all of my cross country meets or basketball games in high school. I know how much it killed my mom that she never made it to a family weekend at Furman. But they were there for EVERYTHING they possibly could be, for all of Thomas's plays, or my gymnastic rehearsals with Mr. Rick as a kid. We were never rich, yet they always found a way to get me or Thomas on the trip we wanted to go on, or the Christmas present when we were going to have a "plain and simple Christmas." They poured out every ounce of love they could into each other and Thomas and me. For 22 years, my mom and dad have been two of the greatest blessings a son could ever ask for. I know they wish they could've given us more and that things haven't always been perfect or gone "according to plan," but I also know that after 22 years, my parents still look at me and Thomas with the same sparkle in their eyes as I imagine they had when we arrived at Santa Rosa Community Hospital. And even crazier, they are still just as madly in love as they were as stupid 20-somethings moving out to California. In a world where divorce is almost as common as staying together, that's a pretty remarkable thing. They should have no regrets about A SINGLE THING they did in raising my brother and me, because being a parent must be the hardest thing in the world, and they did the greatest job a guy could ever ask for.
Thomas and I used to fight. A LOT! All brothers fight I've decided, but we fought a whole bunch. We knew exactly what buttons to push to get each other riled up. EVERTHING was a competition. I remember going to Maggie Moo's for ice cream and we couldn't get the same ice cream or topping because we couldn't be the same. Specifically, I remember one night at the dinner table when we were in high school and middle school and were going at it and bickering and pushing those buttons. It got to the point where Mom had to leave the table crying. That one night will always be seared into my memory for as long as I live. It killed me, and still does, that I've ever made my mom cry.
I remember when I graduated from Brentwood High and moved out to Furman, I couldn't wait for my mom and dad to leave (and thankfully they didn't even stay the night.) And they gave me space to grow up and move on, but always called to check in. Whenever I would call my dad, he always asked if I've called my mom, and vice versa. I didn't always want to talk to them, as any college student can attest to, but now I realize how incredibly blessed I was to have parents who were always thinking about me from 6 hours away. They let me make my mistakes and grow from them, but have always been there to pick me up and give me a hug.
Being a parent must be the hardest job in the world. I can't imagine the love they have for their kids, and then the patience to put up with the diapers as a baby, the questions as a child, the fights as a teenager, and the letting go as a college student. I think the movie Parenthood put it best, "You know, Mrs. Buckman, you need a license to buy a dog, to drive a car - heck, you even need a license to catch a fish. But they'll let any [expletive] be a father." I'm sure my parents wish certain things could have been different, that they could have been at everything and never had to worry about how to get Thomas and me through two incredibly expensive colleges. But I hope they know that I have never doubted how much they love me, because they remind me every day. I know the sacrifices they've made to make my life what it is. They never had to hold out for more millions of dollars to support their family! I only hope one day I get the chance to be a half the parent mine were.
Parents aren't perfect, but if you get a chance, call them up and tell them how much you love them. Tell them how grateful you are for everything they've done for you, for making you the apple of their eye. Put it in your Facebook status. I wish I told them that more, because my parents not only gave me life 22 years ago, they have breathed love into it every day since.
forever unfinished...
But it made me realize how incredibly thankful I am for my family, particularly my parents, and how rarely I tell them what an incredible job of raising a family they did! In 10 years, my parents probably won't make what the lowest paid of major professional athletes make in 1. My dad works unbelievable hours as hard as he can for the least supported football team in the SEC, doing the job other schools have 3 people to do. He's up early to work on game notes and to write media guides, and gets home after long nights of practice and games, usually energy-sapping losses. My mom was a newspaper editor for her whole life. Well, that is until the newspaper business tanked and she was laid off just before Christmas nearly three years ago. Now? She works even more hours than my dad on the thing that she is more passionate about than anything that's not her family, the Brentwood Home Page. An online magazine catering to "all things Brentwood," she trots around town following every scoop and every meeting, pounds the pavement seeking advertising partners, and does everything else needed with a staff of 10 less than what is needed.
But you know what, my parents are everything a son could hope for! I know how much it killed my dad when he couldn't make it to all of my cross country meets or basketball games in high school. I know how much it killed my mom that she never made it to a family weekend at Furman. But they were there for EVERYTHING they possibly could be, for all of Thomas's plays, or my gymnastic rehearsals with Mr. Rick as a kid. We were never rich, yet they always found a way to get me or Thomas on the trip we wanted to go on, or the Christmas present when we were going to have a "plain and simple Christmas." They poured out every ounce of love they could into each other and Thomas and me. For 22 years, my mom and dad have been two of the greatest blessings a son could ever ask for. I know they wish they could've given us more and that things haven't always been perfect or gone "according to plan," but I also know that after 22 years, my parents still look at me and Thomas with the same sparkle in their eyes as I imagine they had when we arrived at Santa Rosa Community Hospital. And even crazier, they are still just as madly in love as they were as stupid 20-somethings moving out to California. In a world where divorce is almost as common as staying together, that's a pretty remarkable thing. They should have no regrets about A SINGLE THING they did in raising my brother and me, because being a parent must be the hardest thing in the world, and they did the greatest job a guy could ever ask for.
Thomas and I used to fight. A LOT! All brothers fight I've decided, but we fought a whole bunch. We knew exactly what buttons to push to get each other riled up. EVERTHING was a competition. I remember going to Maggie Moo's for ice cream and we couldn't get the same ice cream or topping because we couldn't be the same. Specifically, I remember one night at the dinner table when we were in high school and middle school and were going at it and bickering and pushing those buttons. It got to the point where Mom had to leave the table crying. That one night will always be seared into my memory for as long as I live. It killed me, and still does, that I've ever made my mom cry.
I remember when I graduated from Brentwood High and moved out to Furman, I couldn't wait for my mom and dad to leave (and thankfully they didn't even stay the night.) And they gave me space to grow up and move on, but always called to check in. Whenever I would call my dad, he always asked if I've called my mom, and vice versa. I didn't always want to talk to them, as any college student can attest to, but now I realize how incredibly blessed I was to have parents who were always thinking about me from 6 hours away. They let me make my mistakes and grow from them, but have always been there to pick me up and give me a hug.
Being a parent must be the hardest job in the world. I can't imagine the love they have for their kids, and then the patience to put up with the diapers as a baby, the questions as a child, the fights as a teenager, and the letting go as a college student. I think the movie Parenthood put it best, "You know, Mrs. Buckman, you need a license to buy a dog, to drive a car - heck, you even need a license to catch a fish. But they'll let any [expletive] be a father." I'm sure my parents wish certain things could have been different, that they could have been at everything and never had to worry about how to get Thomas and me through two incredibly expensive colleges. But I hope they know that I have never doubted how much they love me, because they remind me every day. I know the sacrifices they've made to make my life what it is. They never had to hold out for more millions of dollars to support their family! I only hope one day I get the chance to be a half the parent mine were.
Parents aren't perfect, but if you get a chance, call them up and tell them how much you love them. Tell them how grateful you are for everything they've done for you, for making you the apple of their eye. Put it in your Facebook status. I wish I told them that more, because my parents not only gave me life 22 years ago, they have breathed love into it every day since.
forever unfinished...
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