"This, then, is how you should pray: 'Our father in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven...' " -Matthew 6:9-10
This is a Part 1 blog. 1 of 4 to be exact. The past 5 weeks, the youth of PHOTOS and I have been walking through a little series called, "Livin' Like Jesus Prayed." Basically, we've been walking through it actually looks like to pray and live out the prayer Jesus taught us to pray millennia ago.
I have to confess that most of the time when I arrive to a church service on Sunday mornings and we get to the part where we all share in praying the Lord's Prayer, it's really easy for me to just speak. I mean, after all, these are words I know like the back of my hand (which side is that again?) I've been saying them since I was in vacation bible school as a little tike. Sometimes I don't even know what I said! Have you ever been there? It's ok to raise your hand, no one is looking (go ahead and turn around, I promise no one's looking!)
And yet, when Jesus is describing how to pray to his disciples for the first time, this is the blueprint he lays out for them. There must be something to it I figure. So piece by piece I've tried to work through it, to understand what Jesus is getting at. To understand what we're called to be praying for. To understand how to pray and how to receive the life and life to the fullest He offers. So today I start where every good journey should begin, at the beginning. "Your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven."
Moses.
Moses didn't have plans to set the Israelites free in Egypt. When he fled to Midian, he married and started to tend sheep out in the desert. He was content. He was happy even. But God had other plans. On the mountain he set a bush on fire, but it did not burn. When his curiosity got to be too much, Moses reached the bush to investigate. "Moses! Moses!" the Lord called out. And as if to answer his call to arms, Moses replies with a simple "Here I am."
"I have heard the cries of my people," God answers. And then he lays the big one on Moses. "And now, I am sending you to Pharaoh (only the most powerful person in Egypt who wants him dead) to bring my people the Israelites out of Egypt." BOOM! No more farming. No more sheep herding. Those days were over for Moses. Now he was charged with rescuing his entire people from Egypt. And he was shocked! "Who am I, that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?"
I think that's the pivotal question in this whole story. Who am I to do that? I'm JUST a shepherd. It's like Moses is saying, "God, I'm just a nobody. I've got my own thing going on over here and SURELY there is someone better for this job." But God had his man, and He knew it. He didn't have any doubts. "I will be with you," He replies. Moses had no plans to save the Israelites, but God did. And He was going to see those plans through. And Moses went.
Jeremiah.
Jeremiah was just a boy. A teenager MAYBE. And God came to him and said, "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations." Whoa whoa whoa! A boy? Prophet to the nations? Jeremiah responds, "I do not know how to speak; I am only a CHILD." Jeremiah was probably being apprenticed in a trade at this time. He had a plain old life laid out before him. But God had other plans.
"Do not say, 'I am only a child.'... Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you," God reassured. God had plans for Jeremiah, plans Jeremiah could have never dreamed of and probably was afraid of and quite possibly didn't want to be any part of. But Jeremiah went.
As God would later speak to the Israelites in Jeremiah's book, "For I know the plans I have for you... plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
I think that's what Jesus is getting it. It's like he's saying, "Pray this, 'God let you kingdom, your plans, be my plans. I let your will be done in my life now, just as it would in heaven.'" It's like he's saying, "God, don't be in my plans. Instead, let ME be in YOUR plans." Moses and Jeremiah had there own plans, and God totally changed them. He took them on a total 180-degree flip. He doesn't promise that life will be easy when we follow those plans. Moses faced insurmountable odds and challenges (like crossing a sea and turning a river into blood,) but God would NOT let His plans fail. Jeremiah was barely a boy, but God gave him the words.
God has purpose for our lives. He has plans to prosper us, to give us hope, to give us life and life to the fullest! When I pray, I want to ask not for God to be in MY this or MY that, but to let me be a part of HIS this or HIS that. Because those plans will never fail. When we catch a glimpse of those plans and get a chance to tag along to those plans, that becomes a beautiful adventure.
forever unfinished...
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Monday, October 24, 2011
Not Tomorrow...
"Just give it time and everything changes, tomorrow comes, today will be gone" -Jon McLaughlin
"From of old no one has heard, or perceived by the ear, no eye has seen a God besides thee, who works for those who wait for him." -Isaiah 64:4
Last night I got to talk with my long lost LG, Peggy Howell, who wanted to check in and see how I was. She asked me how things were going. "Good," I said, "although sometimes I wish things went faster. Sometimes I wish I could just get on with it."
Sometimes I feel like God has blessed me with the gift of patience. But other days I feel like it's the last thing that I am. It's easy to be patient with little things like slow waiters at restaurants or with busy people in the library. But with long term things, I'm terribly IMPATIENT!
I want immediate answers. I want immediate movement. I struggle trusting in an uncertain future when I know how I want things to work out. When there is something I want, too often I want it immediately, putting what I want way before trying to help others get what they are fighting for. But in talking to Peggy, I was reminded of something I tell others all the time. "If something is really special and important to you, it's worth waiting for."
Sometimes things don't work out on the schedule we want them to. The Israelites had to wait 40 years in the desert for a promised land beyond there wildest dreams. God doesn't say that we will get the things we want today, or even at all. If something is worth fighting for or truly special though, then it is worth waiting for. I haven't been very patient recently with multiple places in my life. But while I was talking to Peggy talking about something I have been hoping would come soon, I said, "Probably not tomorrow though." A lot of times we want things today, I know I do. And sometimes if we can't have them immediately, then we give up on it. Sometimes things don't come today. And sometimes they don't come tomorrow. But if it's something truly worth waiting for, then I can wait and be patient...
forever unfinished...
"From of old no one has heard, or perceived by the ear, no eye has seen a God besides thee, who works for those who wait for him." -Isaiah 64:4
Last night I got to talk with my long lost LG, Peggy Howell, who wanted to check in and see how I was. She asked me how things were going. "Good," I said, "although sometimes I wish things went faster. Sometimes I wish I could just get on with it."
Sometimes I feel like God has blessed me with the gift of patience. But other days I feel like it's the last thing that I am. It's easy to be patient with little things like slow waiters at restaurants or with busy people in the library. But with long term things, I'm terribly IMPATIENT!
I want immediate answers. I want immediate movement. I struggle trusting in an uncertain future when I know how I want things to work out. When there is something I want, too often I want it immediately, putting what I want way before trying to help others get what they are fighting for. But in talking to Peggy, I was reminded of something I tell others all the time. "If something is really special and important to you, it's worth waiting for."
Sometimes things don't work out on the schedule we want them to. The Israelites had to wait 40 years in the desert for a promised land beyond there wildest dreams. God doesn't say that we will get the things we want today, or even at all. If something is worth fighting for or truly special though, then it is worth waiting for. I haven't been very patient recently with multiple places in my life. But while I was talking to Peggy talking about something I have been hoping would come soon, I said, "Probably not tomorrow though." A lot of times we want things today, I know I do. And sometimes if we can't have them immediately, then we give up on it. Sometimes things don't come today. And sometimes they don't come tomorrow. But if it's something truly worth waiting for, then I can wait and be patient...
forever unfinished...
Friday, October 21, 2011
Committing to contentment...
"There are two roads to walk down and one road to choose, so I'm thinking over the things that you've said" -Dana Glover
As the last couple of weeks have unfolded, I've learned a lot of things about myself. And one is something I've always known, but has really been put away until now. Raise your hand if you've heard this one before: "I'm a guy. And I have commitment issues..."
I think it all started with the band at Steele Lane Elementary School (jokes and laughing can begin now.) But seriously, I was in fifth grade, and just kind of on a whim I told Mrs. Barron-Stultz that I wanted to quit and not play the saxophone. Thank goodness for her and not letting me quit until the year was over. A couple years later it was baseball (which I played for seven years before quitting,) then football (which I quit before summer workouts started at BHS,) then basketball (because it was going to consume my life and I wanted to do other things.)
There's this funny saying: "The grass is always greener on the other side." It's a funny one.
For the better part of my teenage and "grown-up" life, I think I've lived down to this WAY too much. I always see other options and think to myself, "I wonder if that might be better..." I even tried to drop-out of Furman once, and probably would have had it not been for my wonderful mother who back-handed that idea right out of my head when I brought it up while we were watching "A Walk to Remember" during Easter Break my freshman year.
This summer I found myself living out this thought once again. Doubts about whether I was sure of what I wanted. What if there might be better? Well, they say admitting you have a problem is the first step. Maybe, but if you never move past that step, it doesn't get you much does it? So here I am to say that I'm sick of wondering how green the grass on the other side really is. Because the truth is, if we allow ourselves to fully enjoy the beauty of what we have in the moment, the grass will always look greener right where we are! We can soak up the joy of what we have and not settle for wondering, "What if?"
So here it goes, "I'm a guy. And I'm leaving my commitment issues at the door..."
forever unfinished...
As the last couple of weeks have unfolded, I've learned a lot of things about myself. And one is something I've always known, but has really been put away until now. Raise your hand if you've heard this one before: "I'm a guy. And I have commitment issues..."
I think it all started with the band at Steele Lane Elementary School (jokes and laughing can begin now.) But seriously, I was in fifth grade, and just kind of on a whim I told Mrs. Barron-Stultz that I wanted to quit and not play the saxophone. Thank goodness for her and not letting me quit until the year was over. A couple years later it was baseball (which I played for seven years before quitting,) then football (which I quit before summer workouts started at BHS,) then basketball (because it was going to consume my life and I wanted to do other things.)
There's this funny saying: "The grass is always greener on the other side." It's a funny one.
For the better part of my teenage and "grown-up" life, I think I've lived down to this WAY too much. I always see other options and think to myself, "I wonder if that might be better..." I even tried to drop-out of Furman once, and probably would have had it not been for my wonderful mother who back-handed that idea right out of my head when I brought it up while we were watching "A Walk to Remember" during Easter Break my freshman year.
This summer I found myself living out this thought once again. Doubts about whether I was sure of what I wanted. What if there might be better? Well, they say admitting you have a problem is the first step. Maybe, but if you never move past that step, it doesn't get you much does it? So here I am to say that I'm sick of wondering how green the grass on the other side really is. Because the truth is, if we allow ourselves to fully enjoy the beauty of what we have in the moment, the grass will always look greener right where we are! We can soak up the joy of what we have and not settle for wondering, "What if?"
So here it goes, "I'm a guy. And I'm leaving my commitment issues at the door..."
forever unfinished...
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
φωτός...
φωτός (photos)- "to be of light"
"We were all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same" -Coach Carter
Life is a gift, the greatest gift in fact. It's this beautiful, once in a lifetime kind of thing. And yet we treat it like such a burden sometimes. The busyness and tiredness of our lives so often keeps us from soaking up and giving all that life has for us!
I get caught up in this far more than I could ever possibly wish to. I like to think that I'm a pretty optimistic, fun-loving guy, but there are too many times when I just kind of coast through the day, getting from wake-up to sleep without LIVING! Why? I want to live a life that matters, to make a difference in the lives of those around me, to be overwhelmed and overwhelming with love. TO SHINE A LIGHT...
When Jesus first spoke to His disciples on the mountaintop, he talked with them about light. "You ARE the light of the world," He told them. Not just at church on Sundays. Not just around your friends. Not just on mission trips. We have a light to shine, everywhere we go.
Light is a funny thing. Everywhere there is a light source, everything around it becomes brighter. Even in pitch black, all it takes a little light and things become visible. As gloomy and unsettling as the dark can be, a simple match can illuminate and bring life where there wasn't. It's like Jesus said, "Instead they put (the light) on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house." We ALL have a light to offer those around us! We all have gifts which brighten the lives of everyone we touch!
That's the life I want to live, the life I hope to be living today. So many times I let my busy schedule or my downer days or my tiredness or my selfishness cover up the light that God has given me to shine. Instead of shining joy and love into people, I let my own worries consume me and I become just another truck spinning its tires in the mud of life's day to day busyness. Life is BIGGER than that. Life has more JOY than that. I want to live consumed in light, living out each second of each day like it is on purpose, knowing that every breath is a gift and not worth wasting. I never want to be lacking in love, with my friends, family, strangers I pass on the street.
Does this mean there won't be days when I'm busy, when I'm tired, when I'm upset or distracted? Does this mean there won't be times when the darkness seems to overpower the light? No! There is pain and there is tiredness in our lives. But I want to fight for the joy, hope, peace, life, and love that the light brings each day. I want to fight that the light will always overpower the dark. I want to always remember that in the darkest moments, Jesus' light shines its most brightly!
"In the same way, let you light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven." -Matthew 5:16
forever unfinished...
"We were all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same" -Coach Carter
Life is a gift, the greatest gift in fact. It's this beautiful, once in a lifetime kind of thing. And yet we treat it like such a burden sometimes. The busyness and tiredness of our lives so often keeps us from soaking up and giving all that life has for us!
I get caught up in this far more than I could ever possibly wish to. I like to think that I'm a pretty optimistic, fun-loving guy, but there are too many times when I just kind of coast through the day, getting from wake-up to sleep without LIVING! Why? I want to live a life that matters, to make a difference in the lives of those around me, to be overwhelmed and overwhelming with love. TO SHINE A LIGHT...
When Jesus first spoke to His disciples on the mountaintop, he talked with them about light. "You ARE the light of the world," He told them. Not just at church on Sundays. Not just around your friends. Not just on mission trips. We have a light to shine, everywhere we go.
Light is a funny thing. Everywhere there is a light source, everything around it becomes brighter. Even in pitch black, all it takes a little light and things become visible. As gloomy and unsettling as the dark can be, a simple match can illuminate and bring life where there wasn't. It's like Jesus said, "Instead they put (the light) on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house." We ALL have a light to offer those around us! We all have gifts which brighten the lives of everyone we touch!
That's the life I want to live, the life I hope to be living today. So many times I let my busy schedule or my downer days or my tiredness or my selfishness cover up the light that God has given me to shine. Instead of shining joy and love into people, I let my own worries consume me and I become just another truck spinning its tires in the mud of life's day to day busyness. Life is BIGGER than that. Life has more JOY than that. I want to live consumed in light, living out each second of each day like it is on purpose, knowing that every breath is a gift and not worth wasting. I never want to be lacking in love, with my friends, family, strangers I pass on the street.
Does this mean there won't be days when I'm busy, when I'm tired, when I'm upset or distracted? Does this mean there won't be times when the darkness seems to overpower the light? No! There is pain and there is tiredness in our lives. But I want to fight for the joy, hope, peace, life, and love that the light brings each day. I want to fight that the light will always overpower the dark. I want to always remember that in the darkest moments, Jesus' light shines its most brightly!
"In the same way, let you light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven." -Matthew 5:16
forever unfinished...
Monday, October 17, 2011
Control...
"Tried to move on but it turns out it was harder than it seemed" -Ernie Halter
Last Wednesday I had lunch to catch-up with the wonderful Brentwood-native Paladin Emily Ralls, who apparently has basically shared my feelings and experiences of the last month as it turns out. After an hour of talking, she asked me an interesting question, one that I haven't thought about. "It's been really hard for me, but have you gotten to the point where you don't have to control the situation?" I have asked myself a lot of questions in the last couple weeks, but that honestly hadn't ever crossed my mind. I suppose in ways it had, but I'd never wrestled with that in those words. And having thought through it for a week, I'm not sure that I have gotten to that point, but I'm definitely moving towards it.
In the midst of the last month, I've realized how much not being in control is hard for me. Breaking up is hard. It hadn't really clicked to me that things have been frustrating because there is nothing I can do. Sometimes, as much as I want to fight or understand to work things out, there's nothing for me that I can do. It's hard to understand when great things end. I can't change the past. I can't make people feel things that they don't. I can't just let things go and find perfect closure because I still want to deal with it, want to talk, want to fight. It's all in what I want that way. And that's a selfishness I don't want. When things end without warning or understanding, I want to understand why and work it out.
But therein lies my prayer. As they say, I am ready to let go and let God. I've been holding on to this for too long, not knowing where it leads, but wanting to be able to control it and change it. I want to be ready to just let go. Peace will only come once I'm ready to give up control and stop wanting to fix things. Peace comes with moving on and letting go. So I'm praying for the peace to give up control, to give up wanting to fix things. I want to just surrender it all and find the peace God is offering me. I can't always control, and in those times, I need the peace and patience God offers more than at any other time.
forever unfinished...
Last Wednesday I had lunch to catch-up with the wonderful Brentwood-native Paladin Emily Ralls, who apparently has basically shared my feelings and experiences of the last month as it turns out. After an hour of talking, she asked me an interesting question, one that I haven't thought about. "It's been really hard for me, but have you gotten to the point where you don't have to control the situation?" I have asked myself a lot of questions in the last couple weeks, but that honestly hadn't ever crossed my mind. I suppose in ways it had, but I'd never wrestled with that in those words. And having thought through it for a week, I'm not sure that I have gotten to that point, but I'm definitely moving towards it.
In the midst of the last month, I've realized how much not being in control is hard for me. Breaking up is hard. It hadn't really clicked to me that things have been frustrating because there is nothing I can do. Sometimes, as much as I want to fight or understand to work things out, there's nothing for me that I can do. It's hard to understand when great things end. I can't change the past. I can't make people feel things that they don't. I can't just let things go and find perfect closure because I still want to deal with it, want to talk, want to fight. It's all in what I want that way. And that's a selfishness I don't want. When things end without warning or understanding, I want to understand why and work it out.
But therein lies my prayer. As they say, I am ready to let go and let God. I've been holding on to this for too long, not knowing where it leads, but wanting to be able to control it and change it. I want to be ready to just let go. Peace will only come once I'm ready to give up control and stop wanting to fix things. Peace comes with moving on and letting go. So I'm praying for the peace to give up control, to give up wanting to fix things. I want to just surrender it all and find the peace God is offering me. I can't always control, and in those times, I need the peace and patience God offers more than at any other time.
forever unfinished...
Sleep...
"I don't need answers. I just need some peace. I just need someone who can help me get some sleep, who can help me get some sleep." -Ben Rector
For the past month, sleep has been an incredibly valuable commodity in my life. If there's one thing I've learned in the last year, it's that when things are on my mind, sleep is the first thing to go. Last spring, lost sleep. This past month, lost sleep. My mind has been racing, asking questions, wondering how's and why's. And laying in bed, there are fewer distractions and it builds. It's wearing me out. I'm tired. I need rest. I feel sapped. Praying for the gift of restfulness and sleep!
forever unfinished...
For the past month, sleep has been an incredibly valuable commodity in my life. If there's one thing I've learned in the last year, it's that when things are on my mind, sleep is the first thing to go. Last spring, lost sleep. This past month, lost sleep. My mind has been racing, asking questions, wondering how's and why's. And laying in bed, there are fewer distractions and it builds. It's wearing me out. I'm tired. I need rest. I feel sapped. Praying for the gift of restfulness and sleep!
forever unfinished...
My parents...
This morning as I woke up I was reading through the latest issue of ESPN The Magazine which my roommates subscribe to. In it they polled 8 athletes about how they felt about work stoppages (a.k.a. lockouts,) and one of the responses caught me tremendously off-guard and honestly made me a little angry. Michael Young, the tremendous infielder for the Texas Rangers, said, "Look at sports like football, where one hit can ruin a career. Players have to fight to support their families." When I read that, it took me aback, although not too far aback as I must admit, I was sitting on the on the throne in the bathroom while I read it :)
But it made me realize how incredibly thankful I am for my family, particularly my parents, and how rarely I tell them what an incredible job of raising a family they did! In 10 years, my parents probably won't make what the lowest paid of major professional athletes make in 1. My dad works unbelievable hours as hard as he can for the least supported football team in the SEC, doing the job other schools have 3 people to do. He's up early to work on game notes and to write media guides, and gets home after long nights of practice and games, usually energy-sapping losses. My mom was a newspaper editor for her whole life. Well, that is until the newspaper business tanked and she was laid off just before Christmas nearly three years ago. Now? She works even more hours than my dad on the thing that she is more passionate about than anything that's not her family, the Brentwood Home Page. An online magazine catering to "all things Brentwood," she trots around town following every scoop and every meeting, pounds the pavement seeking advertising partners, and does everything else needed with a staff of 10 less than what is needed.
But you know what, my parents are everything a son could hope for! I know how much it killed my dad when he couldn't make it to all of my cross country meets or basketball games in high school. I know how much it killed my mom that she never made it to a family weekend at Furman. But they were there for EVERYTHING they possibly could be, for all of Thomas's plays, or my gymnastic rehearsals with Mr. Rick as a kid. We were never rich, yet they always found a way to get me or Thomas on the trip we wanted to go on, or the Christmas present when we were going to have a "plain and simple Christmas." They poured out every ounce of love they could into each other and Thomas and me. For 22 years, my mom and dad have been two of the greatest blessings a son could ever ask for. I know they wish they could've given us more and that things haven't always been perfect or gone "according to plan," but I also know that after 22 years, my parents still look at me and Thomas with the same sparkle in their eyes as I imagine they had when we arrived at Santa Rosa Community Hospital. And even crazier, they are still just as madly in love as they were as stupid 20-somethings moving out to California. In a world where divorce is almost as common as staying together, that's a pretty remarkable thing. They should have no regrets about A SINGLE THING they did in raising my brother and me, because being a parent must be the hardest thing in the world, and they did the greatest job a guy could ever ask for.
Thomas and I used to fight. A LOT! All brothers fight I've decided, but we fought a whole bunch. We knew exactly what buttons to push to get each other riled up. EVERTHING was a competition. I remember going to Maggie Moo's for ice cream and we couldn't get the same ice cream or topping because we couldn't be the same. Specifically, I remember one night at the dinner table when we were in high school and middle school and were going at it and bickering and pushing those buttons. It got to the point where Mom had to leave the table crying. That one night will always be seared into my memory for as long as I live. It killed me, and still does, that I've ever made my mom cry.
I remember when I graduated from Brentwood High and moved out to Furman, I couldn't wait for my mom and dad to leave (and thankfully they didn't even stay the night.) And they gave me space to grow up and move on, but always called to check in. Whenever I would call my dad, he always asked if I've called my mom, and vice versa. I didn't always want to talk to them, as any college student can attest to, but now I realize how incredibly blessed I was to have parents who were always thinking about me from 6 hours away. They let me make my mistakes and grow from them, but have always been there to pick me up and give me a hug.
Being a parent must be the hardest job in the world. I can't imagine the love they have for their kids, and then the patience to put up with the diapers as a baby, the questions as a child, the fights as a teenager, and the letting go as a college student. I think the movie Parenthood put it best, "You know, Mrs. Buckman, you need a license to buy a dog, to drive a car - heck, you even need a license to catch a fish. But they'll let any [expletive] be a father." I'm sure my parents wish certain things could have been different, that they could have been at everything and never had to worry about how to get Thomas and me through two incredibly expensive colleges. But I hope they know that I have never doubted how much they love me, because they remind me every day. I know the sacrifices they've made to make my life what it is. They never had to hold out for more millions of dollars to support their family! I only hope one day I get the chance to be a half the parent mine were.
Parents aren't perfect, but if you get a chance, call them up and tell them how much you love them. Tell them how grateful you are for everything they've done for you, for making you the apple of their eye. Put it in your Facebook status. I wish I told them that more, because my parents not only gave me life 22 years ago, they have breathed love into it every day since.
forever unfinished...
But it made me realize how incredibly thankful I am for my family, particularly my parents, and how rarely I tell them what an incredible job of raising a family they did! In 10 years, my parents probably won't make what the lowest paid of major professional athletes make in 1. My dad works unbelievable hours as hard as he can for the least supported football team in the SEC, doing the job other schools have 3 people to do. He's up early to work on game notes and to write media guides, and gets home after long nights of practice and games, usually energy-sapping losses. My mom was a newspaper editor for her whole life. Well, that is until the newspaper business tanked and she was laid off just before Christmas nearly three years ago. Now? She works even more hours than my dad on the thing that she is more passionate about than anything that's not her family, the Brentwood Home Page. An online magazine catering to "all things Brentwood," she trots around town following every scoop and every meeting, pounds the pavement seeking advertising partners, and does everything else needed with a staff of 10 less than what is needed.
But you know what, my parents are everything a son could hope for! I know how much it killed my dad when he couldn't make it to all of my cross country meets or basketball games in high school. I know how much it killed my mom that she never made it to a family weekend at Furman. But they were there for EVERYTHING they possibly could be, for all of Thomas's plays, or my gymnastic rehearsals with Mr. Rick as a kid. We were never rich, yet they always found a way to get me or Thomas on the trip we wanted to go on, or the Christmas present when we were going to have a "plain and simple Christmas." They poured out every ounce of love they could into each other and Thomas and me. For 22 years, my mom and dad have been two of the greatest blessings a son could ever ask for. I know they wish they could've given us more and that things haven't always been perfect or gone "according to plan," but I also know that after 22 years, my parents still look at me and Thomas with the same sparkle in their eyes as I imagine they had when we arrived at Santa Rosa Community Hospital. And even crazier, they are still just as madly in love as they were as stupid 20-somethings moving out to California. In a world where divorce is almost as common as staying together, that's a pretty remarkable thing. They should have no regrets about A SINGLE THING they did in raising my brother and me, because being a parent must be the hardest thing in the world, and they did the greatest job a guy could ever ask for.
Thomas and I used to fight. A LOT! All brothers fight I've decided, but we fought a whole bunch. We knew exactly what buttons to push to get each other riled up. EVERTHING was a competition. I remember going to Maggie Moo's for ice cream and we couldn't get the same ice cream or topping because we couldn't be the same. Specifically, I remember one night at the dinner table when we were in high school and middle school and were going at it and bickering and pushing those buttons. It got to the point where Mom had to leave the table crying. That one night will always be seared into my memory for as long as I live. It killed me, and still does, that I've ever made my mom cry.
I remember when I graduated from Brentwood High and moved out to Furman, I couldn't wait for my mom and dad to leave (and thankfully they didn't even stay the night.) And they gave me space to grow up and move on, but always called to check in. Whenever I would call my dad, he always asked if I've called my mom, and vice versa. I didn't always want to talk to them, as any college student can attest to, but now I realize how incredibly blessed I was to have parents who were always thinking about me from 6 hours away. They let me make my mistakes and grow from them, but have always been there to pick me up and give me a hug.
Being a parent must be the hardest job in the world. I can't imagine the love they have for their kids, and then the patience to put up with the diapers as a baby, the questions as a child, the fights as a teenager, and the letting go as a college student. I think the movie Parenthood put it best, "You know, Mrs. Buckman, you need a license to buy a dog, to drive a car - heck, you even need a license to catch a fish. But they'll let any [expletive] be a father." I'm sure my parents wish certain things could have been different, that they could have been at everything and never had to worry about how to get Thomas and me through two incredibly expensive colleges. But I hope they know that I have never doubted how much they love me, because they remind me every day. I know the sacrifices they've made to make my life what it is. They never had to hold out for more millions of dollars to support their family! I only hope one day I get the chance to be a half the parent mine were.
Parents aren't perfect, but if you get a chance, call them up and tell them how much you love them. Tell them how grateful you are for everything they've done for you, for making you the apple of their eye. Put it in your Facebook status. I wish I told them that more, because my parents not only gave me life 22 years ago, they have breathed love into it every day since.
forever unfinished...
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